I'm writing this at 3 am. After a few diaper changes my mind is too active and the baby girl is busy kicking for me to fall back asleep. So perhaps if I write this down I'll clear up my thoughts and go back to sleep.
My New Year's resolution this year is to slow down. I think it's a very fitting and a very good goal for the year ahead. As many people add to dos and accomplishments I feel that as an overachieving perfectionist I need to do just the opposite. I can't push pause on this baby button. Margot got to the good old age of five months in a blink of an eye and it's all going much too fast. With another blink she'll be telling me out of the blue, "Mommy, I having a hard day." "Why are you having a hard day Jude," I ask. "Because Daddy is playing with Miss Margot." "You're having a hard day because Daddy is in the other room playing with Margot?" I ask to clarify. Without a tear or whine of complaint, Jude says, "yes." What? As my bother pointed out, most adults don't even understand the psychology of their own feelings well enough to articulate that. So while others plan trips, clean out closets, try to loose ten pounds, make big career goals and be productive and all of that, I am going to resist the urge to multitask (though certainly it will be somewhat inevitable) and try to slow down and be present and not ten steps ahead doing five things at once. As Jude likes to say, "slow downnnnn Thomas."
There are so many cliche statements that have been ringing so very true lately. Like you don't ever have your health. It's something that can be taken away no matter how healthy one may or may not be. Being grateful and aware of one's fortunes is so very important. I am very aware of my own. Being happy is a choice and comes from focussing on the things and people you do have in your life rather than giving your energy to all the things you don't. And with my goal for this year (and the following ones too) I remind myself not to take my health and the people in my life for granted. Be present and not preoccupied with other nagging less important things. So that's my resolution in more words than less and hopefully by writing this all down I can come back and reread and check back in... Because what was my resolution last year? And one more thing to remember... Stop cooking fish! It stinks up the whole damn house!